Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
