wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
