She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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