i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
