JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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