I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
