Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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