Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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