Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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