Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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