OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
