so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
