Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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