Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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