I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
