just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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