im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
