i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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