Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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