My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
