Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
