Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
