you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
