Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
