she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
