Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
