Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
