True but thats because hes a fetus.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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