My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
