What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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