it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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