one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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