the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
