This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
