No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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