just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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