the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my being single is dangerous.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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