ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
