Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
