can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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