I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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