forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
