Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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