We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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