I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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