what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
