In the future we'll all be gay
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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