she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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