He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
