That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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